Vacation with the Cullens
by bookfreak8208
Summary: When the Cullens decide to visit an old friend, things take an interesting turn. There will be vampires, werewolves, mermaids, frolicking flowers, and pink super bunnies. Post Breaking Dawn, so there will be spoilers. You have been warned. First fan-fic.
1. Chapter 1

The Cullens decide to visit an old friend, and things take an interesting turn. Post Breaking Dawn...contains massive spoilers. First fan-fic, so be kind, and please review!!

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight, and, sadly, I never will. **

BPOV:

Edward and I were in our cottage putting Renesmee to sleep, well, she was already asleep after her long day with Jacob, and after he gently closed our bedroom door behind us, I let out a sigh of relief and collapsed onto a chair. Our day hadn't been all that relaxing either; we went hunting with Emmett and Rosalie, and well, that was a little disturbing, especially for Edward.

They were standing a good ten yards from us, and they seemed to be having an argument. After about thirty seconds Emmett grabbed Rosalie up in his arms and they started making-out. And not the slow, gentle, kind, no, not Emmett and Rosalie; it got so bad, I had to turn away. Poor Edward, it really didn't help all that much if he turned away from the nastiness, he had to see it, and hear it. I could only imagine what was going on inside their heads at that moment. This whole yuck-fest came as a complete surprise, because, as I stated earlier, they appeared to be in some sort of quarrel. But I guess they made-up, and decided to make-out instead.

"Do you want me to shield you from that?" I had asked Edward after a few moments of this.

"No, that's alright, love, I'm used to their barbaric behavior," he replied with a sigh.

"Could we hunt over there; way, way, over there?" I asked him as Emmett and Rose continued kissing, apparently unaware of our conversation, even though I knew that they could hear us perfectly.

Edward chuckled in his velvety angel's voice and replied, "Sure, I'll race you," and then he started running away from Emmett and Rosalie, at his super-fast vampire pace, and I quickly followed and caught up with him.

"You know," he started when we stopped running and could no longer see Emmett and Rose, "in a few months, when you become a more mature vampire, you won't be able to keep up with me anymore."

"We'll see about that," I replied lightly.

We had been hunting for about half an hour, when Emmett and Rosalie came through the trees and stopped right in front of me.

"What?" I sighed as the two glared at me.

"Why did you leave us there?" Rosalie asked me.

"Because Edward and I came here to hunt, not to watch you two sucking-faces," I told them casually.

Edward chuckled softly and came to stand by me, "Are you guys finished?"

"With hunting or kissing?" Emmett asked.

"Both." Edward answered.

"Yup. Let's head home." Emmett then proceeded to run to the car, and the rest of us followed suit; which is something we rarely do with Emmett.

"Bella, come back," Edward was still standing by the door, and was watching me with a humorous expression on his face.

"Right sorry," I stood up, happy to be rid of my flashback, and was right in front of Edward in a milla-second.

He smiled my favorite crooked smile at me and grabbed me up in his arms. I kissed his mouth and he kissed me back. I ran my fingers through his hair, and he stroked my arm. We were only about ten second into this, when Edward's cell phone rang. He froze and cursed whoever was calling at such an inconvenient time for us.

Edward zipped over to the dresser where the stupid phone rang. He flipped it open and had it up to his ear before I could blink.

"Hello?" He said dryly.

"Hey Edward. Could you and Bella please come to the house for bit? We have some things that we need to discuss." Alice said cheerfully from the other end of the phone. Of course I could hear her perfectly with my super-sensitive vampire hearing.

"This really isn't a good time Alice," Edward sighed; I could tell Alice was starting to irk him.

"I know that," Alice snapped, "That's why I called now. We were going to wait a few hours, but we knew that you wouldn't come." Alice said that last part a little suggestively, and Edward rolled his eyes.

"Fine," He said after a few moments of silence, "we'll be there in a flash."

"Wait! What about Renesmee?" I asked, knowing that Alice would hear me.

"I'll send Jacob over to watch her," Alice seemed to be growing impatient.

"_Jacob?"_ Edward and I said simultaneously.

"Yeah, I asked him to come over to, this will involve him. But it's ok, we can fill him in later; I'm sure he won't mind." Alice hung up the phone, and Edward tossed it back onto the dresser.

"Let's go so we can come back," He held out his hand, I grabbed it, and we ran out the door towards the house.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own Twilight or its characters, the wonderful Stephenie Meyer does

**Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own Twilight or its characters, the wonderful Stephenie Meyer does.**

EPOV:

"Well, it's about time!" Emmett's voice bellowed as Bella and I came in through the front door of the house.

"Yeah, we've been waiting long enough," Rosalie murmured.

"Ok, ok, let's get started," Carlisle called out from the kitchen. "Everyone take a seat," he walked at human pace into the living room, at sat down next to Esme on the couch.

"Oh, come on!" I almost whined as I read Alice's thoughts, "do we have to, he's a nut case!"

"What?" Bella asked me sharply. "What are you talking about?"

"Now Edward, we haven't gone to see Francis in over twenty years, we're due for a visit," Carlisle said calmly.

_I wonder why we're here, I'll ask Alice, she looks aware._ I heard Emmett's voice inside my head. Then, I counted down: 3, 2, 1, now.

"Why are we here, Alice?" Emmett asked right on cue, as always. Apparently no one except Alice, Carlisle, and I knew what was happening.

"Because, Emmett," Alice seemed to be talking to all of us, though she only addressed Emmett, "We are going to visit Francis and his family up at the lake."

"Why?" Jasper asked.

"Because, the last time we visited we said we'd keep in touch, but we haven't," Esme replied gently.

"Who's Francis?" Bella asked me.

"He's an old friend of Carlisle's, from back when he was human," I answered her.

He was changed a few years after I was, and I bumped into him on a hunting trip, we talked, and I convinced him into becoming a vegetarian," Carlisle explained to me, obviously everyone else knew who he was.

"He bought a house on the lake, and started a family of his own, like us," Alice put in. "We used to see him every year, but we haven't made it up their in a while."

"So, when are we leaving?" Emmett asked with a mischievous sparkle in his eyes.

"The day after tomorrow," Carlisle answered.

"And, Emmett, this time there will be a set of rules for you to follow," Alice warned.

"What! Why!" Emmett whined.

"Because, last time you did bad things," I told him.

"Like what?" Emmett almost growled.

"Well, you ran around the beach with live crabs as earrings –"

"So?" Emmett interrupted.

"First of all, that's just wrong, and second, it's a lake, there are no crabs!" Alice exclaimed. "You also attempted to bury yourself fifty feet deep in the sand –"

"I wanted to know how long it would take before I found water," he cried, like the explanation was obvious.

"Well, if you had just looked behind you, you would have found an awful lot of it!" I said a bit sarcastically.

"You also reserved a whole outside table for yourself at a local restaurant, ordered every single thing on the menu, and proceeded to fling it all at other people, and random passers-by!" Alice practically screamed at him in disgust.

"Good times," Emmett sighed to himself.

"Oh, and let's not forget when he came dangerously close to creating an army of vampire Chihuahuas!" Rosalie shoved his shoulder in embarrassment.

"I was curious! Is that so wrong?" He shouted at all of us.

"Yes!" we all cried simultaneously.

"So, Jake's coming too?" Bella attempted to throw the focus away from Emmett and his shenanigans.

"And Seth," Carlisle added.

"Seth?" Bella asked.

"He wanted to come," Alice shrugged her shoulders innocently.

"Well, we should get back to Renesmee," I said, although we really didn't need to go back just yet.

"Yeah, let's go. Bye guys, see you tomorrow!" Bella quickly caught on and stood up.

"'K, see you love birds tomorrow afternoon!" Emmett wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and waved his hand goodbye.

We rushed out the door and were inside the cottage in fifteen seconds tops.

"Jake we're back, you may go now," Bella cracked open the door to Renesmee's room as she said this, and I saw Jake hovering over the top of her crib, stroking her arm and watching her sleep. He reminded me of when I would watch Bella sleep when she was human. The thought made me depressed, because I could no longer do that, happy, that Jacob had love in his life, and pissed, because his love was my daughter.

"Do I have to leave?" Jacob whispered, not taking his eyes off of Renesmee.

"Yes," Bella and I chorused automatically.

"_Oh,"_ Jacob's expression turned from one of contentment, to realization, to disgust, to embarrassment. His face turned bright red, and he mumbled, "I'll just see you tomorrow then," and he rushed out the door.

"Well, that was awkward," Bella murmured as we stepped into our room.

"A little," I agreed. Then I smiled the smile I knew she loved, and swept her up into my arms.


	3. Chapter 3

B

B.P.O.V.

The next day I opened my eyes (I was not, of course, sleeping, merely breathing in the scent of the love of my existence) to find Edward gazing at me intently.

"Morning, Love," Edward sighed and kissed my mouth.

"Morning," I replied, and kissed his neck, which my head was resting on. He kissed me again, and again, and then he was on top of me, his arms supporting him on either side of me, his face just inches from mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and pulled him closer to me. Our lips locked, and we kissed for no more than three minutes, before Edward froze and then sighed, "Renesmee." I closed my eyes in frustration, and pulled myself up. Lately, Renesmee had taken to waking up at the most inconvenient time for Edward and me.

In a matter of seconds, both of us were dressed, and we walked into Renesmee's room to find her sitting up and playing with her doll, which was a gift from Jacob.

"Good morning Nessie," Edward and I chorused as I stoked my daughter's curly hair.

"Hi Momma. Hi Daddy," Nessie said and pulled my hand to her face. She was hungry.

"Jacob will get you some food," Edward murmured, as, right on cue, Jacob knocked on the front door.

"It's open," Edward replied evenly, knowing that Jake would hear.

"Jake! Jake!" Renesmee started to bounce up and down in her bed.

"Nessie! Nessie!" Jacob burst through the door and raced over to pick up his love.

"So, what are we going to do today, kid?" Jake fake-pondered, his eyes looking up, his index finger tapping his chin.

"Today we need to make sure that Renesmee has everything she needs for tomorrow," Edward held out his arms, and Jacob handed Nessie to him.

"Tomorrow?" Renesmee furrowed her brow, cocked her head to one side.

"Yes, tomorrow we are all going to go and see an old friend of Carlisle's up at a lake house. Doesn't that sound like fun?" Edward explained to his daughter.

"Yes, Daddy," Nessie giggled.

"Jake, why don't you take her to get something to eat, we'll meet you back here later." I told him.

"Sure, Bells, we'll be back," Jacob slung Renesmee on his back, and raced out of the house.

"Well," Edward sighed, and put his arm around my waist, "we should probably go to the house and see what needs to be done."

"Ok, let's go," I sighed, and walked slowly out of the cottage, across the river, and into the mansion.

"Hello," Alice chorused as soon as we walked through the door.

"Hey Alice, what can we do to help?" I asked.

Alice then handed us each a To-Do list, it was very long.

"Um…Alice?" I mumbled, while scanning the second page of the list.

"Don't worry, we're all helping, well, except for Emmett," Alice pointed to a corner of the living (A/N haha…living) room, where Emmett was stationed, fidgeting and frowning like an unhappy child in time-out.

"What'd he do?" I sighed.

"He was disrupting my system of organization," Alice shook her head slowly, like this was some big disgrace.

"How?" I replied. Just then, Edward began shaking with laughter.

"What?" I almost shouted.

"He was parading around the room singing "Gimme More" by Brittney Spears, and doing the shopping cart, lawn-mower, and the hot glue gun!" Alice cried in despair. And ever since we put him in that corner, he's been randomly breaking out into song and dance. So far it's been: The Potion, Sneaker night, Bend-and-Snap, Milkshake, and Honky Tonk Badonkadonk," Alice turned and glared at Emmett, who then began singing "Rockstar" by Prima-J.

"Ya hate 'cause I'm a rockstar, a rockstar, a pretty little problem, ahuh. Ya hate 'cause I'm a rockstar, a rockstar a pretty little problem, ahuh, keep lookin' at me. It seems to me like I was botherin'. 'Cause I make walkin' look like modelin'. It ain't my fault the boys keep followin'. If you were better he wouldn't be wonderin'. See I'm incredible so unforgettable so no one can take my place! I'm unbreakable, highly flammable so girl get outa my face!" Emmett belted out that last line so loudly; I bet Canada could hear him.

"Damn it Emmett!" Alice shrieked at him.

"Oh hot damn, this is my jam! Keep me partyin' ti the a.m. y'all don't understand! Make me throw my hands in the ayer, ay ayer! Ayer ay ayer!"

So, the rest of the morning pretty much followed the same routine: Emmett singing, Alice shrieking, the rest of us collapsing with laughter. By the time everything was done, Emmett probably sang every song he knew. But, finally, Edward and I could go back to the cottage, where Jacob was, of course, watching Renesmee sleep.

We popped into Nessie's room, where Jake was hovering. When he saw us his face turned red and he mumbled, "Do I need to leave again?"

If I were human I swear I would have blushed so red that they would have to invent another color to describe it.

"Uh, no, we just need to pack, you can hang around here for a while," I told him while staring at his shoes.

"Ok," was all Jacob said before returning his gaze to Renesmee.

Edward and I then moved toward our abnormally large closet, and proceeded to pack for the next week, which would most likely be _extremely _long.


	4. Chapter 4

B

B.P.O.V.

Why the hell did we ever agree to go on this trip? Emmett is so damn annoying I could just rip his head off, but I think Jacob is already thinking about doing that, because he is inching toward that moron like a vampire hunts its prey.

"Well, at least we talked him out of traveling commando," Edward whispered in my ear as the bunch of us ran through the forest. It's true, Emmett was the last one ready tom go, and if Edward hadn't read his mind, he would have come downstairs naked. Ewe, just the thought makes me want to shiver. Although, he's not really much better now in his camouflage suit and black face paint, not to mention the face that he just happens to be skipping and singing, "I'm frolicking through the forest; I'm frolicking through the forest." Damn I wish he'd just shut up. **(A/N this is going to go on for a while, so I think I'll let you keep your sanity and fast-forward a little).**

E.P.O.V.

Thank goodness, we're finally here! I don't have to put up with Emmett's shit anymore. Huh, looks like everyone else is thinking the same thing .Go figure. I'll just grab Bella's hand, and we'll all walk inside.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N Hey guys. Sorry I haven't written in forever. I'm sort of in the middle of writing a few other fanfics and two novels, not to mention all the homework I've had lately. I'll try to write more frequently! Please be patient!**


	6. Chapter 6

B. P.O.V.

Oh. My. Gosh. That guy is insane. Literally. I think he needs to be locked up somewhere immediately.

"Bella?" Edward is smiling at me with my favorite crooked smile. Well, at least he's amused with that fact that we're staying with a complete nutcase. We were in our room unpacking, but neither of us had touched our suitcases. He was sitting on a chair in the corner, and I was spacing out about the weirdo who owned this mansion.

"That guy is crazy," I stated simply.

"I know, but we're just going to have to deal with it for a while."

"I don't think I want Renesmee around him."

"Bella," he chuckled, "between you, Jake, and me, Renesmee will be _extremely _safe." He came up to stand next to me, and put his hands on my waist.

"I guess you're right," I sighed, breathing in his wonderful scent. "So what's on the agenda for today?"

"Well, we get ourselves unpacked, and then we'll probably need to feed Nessie her lunch. And then we have the whole day to ourselves," he said.

"Sounds like a plan," I said, but I couldn't say anymore because my lips suddenly became very occupied (hint, hint).

EM. P.O.V.

WE'RE HERE!!!! WHOO-HOO!! Holy crap, I can't wait to start my LONG list of awesomely awesome pranks and shenanigans! But before I can start, I HAVE to find a costume shop, an old -fashioned hair salon, a women's shoe store, and a pioneer. Hopefully none of that will be too hard to find. My pranks and shenanigans depend on them all.

Oooohhh….Rose is calling my name. She's in our room. Teehee. I think I must rush up the stairs as fast as possible and find our room before she changes her mind. Run, Emmett, run, run!

"I'm here, Rose," ok, I tried to say that in a deep, sexy voice, but I think I just sounded like a creeper. I hope I didn't ruin the mood.

"Emmett, sweety, did you pack my black suitcase?"

WHAAAAT??? Oh, that's sooo uncool.

"Uh, I don't know," man, this sucks big time. Maybe if I walk away slowly and look very sad, she'll change her mind.

"Emmett! I need that suitcase! Oh, fine, you'll just have to come shopping with Alice and me tomorrow."

Well that didn't work. Shit.

"Rose!" I tried not to whine, I really did, but –

"Stop whining, Emmett! This is your fault anyway!"

Time out. If I was being forced to go shopping with the girls, then I would just be following them around all day, carrying their bags while they shopped. Also, I would most likely get to go into Victoria's Secret, but that's not the point. The point is: while they were out shopping, I could go and take care of _my_ shopping list. Oh, this is so great. I think I won this fight with Rosalie, and that never happens. Cool.


End file.
